20 June, 2005


There isn't a lot to do out here.
Honestly, there isn't a lot out here. I mean the Living Force is like *everything*, but there is a conciderable lack of shopping malls and theatres.
There are loads of people here. Lots of old-time Jedi. All I hear are stories about the old battles and the hardships of the past. Like they had to trek through three feet bantha poodu to get to the temple and they didn't have all the modern luxuries like indoor plumbing and hyperdrive power cuplings. Their Astromech droids were from the A1-A1 series and were made of clay and and glass and Protocol droids only spoke 27 languages. They didn't that these new fangled "Do-It-Yourself" Lightsabre kits and had to mine the metals, temper them themselves and go to the outer reaches to get the crystals. Back then all lightsabres were white because they hadn't invented the other colours yet.
To avoid the old-timers whining, I've been watching my old mates. You don't need reality tv when you have the Jedi Temple. It is like a bad soap opera, man.
Anakin is the comic relief because he really believes that he is all that and a bag of Cheetos. He is under this incredibly enteraining delusion that he will be the strongest Jedi ever. Uh, yeah, sure, Annie. He'd have to sell his soul for that.
Windu is just Windu. He's always been a kiss up. Like Yoda would say "Jump, I want you to" and Windu would be like, "how high and can I wear my ballet shoes? They are just so comfortable!" He's not all that bad, but he is that stereotypical man that thinks that he is in touch with his feminine side and represses his masculinity. He needs to hang out with me, man. He did for a while, which is when those pics that Yoda posted came from.
Poor old Obi-Wan. My former Padawan really is inching toward the Dark side. You can determine how much food he has in his beard because he weighs himself daily. When he's put on three or four pounds of filth, Yoda gets out the pressure washer. "Drink from the fire hose, you get to!" What frightens me is that Obi-Wan gets all excited when Yoda says that. I think he's killing off his midiclorians with his Pabst Blue Ribbon beer. I've tried to contact him, but there has been no reply. I hope he can still read e-mail. I don't want to lose him like I did my first Padawan. Obi-Wan is dramaticaly different than Xanatos, but the Dark Side is the Dark Side, man.
I've been able to contact Yoda, but I don't think that he can see me. I was there and he like did nothing and then I said something and he like freaked and got out his lightsabre and I think I owe him a new lamp. He's like a little ninja whirly thing when he's all one with the Force and stuff. Don't get me wrong, Yoda is a cool cat and can be mellow with the best of them, but man, he is just like on auto pilot when he gets all Force-juiced. When he went up against Dooku, don't tell him, but I, like, laughed the whole time. There is nothing like Grampa getting schooled by a psycho green midget. It was like either he has like a stunt double on a wire or he was one of those really good holograms. And yeah, I can call you that, Dooku, you went to the Dark Side and didn't even bring me back a teeshirt.
So I think I need to get me a form. Talking to these guys isn't enough, because they sure aren't listening. It's really hard to do that blue see-through thing the geriatric Jedi keep talking about. You have to concentrate for long periods of time. You have to remember the stuff that you were taught Padawan. I can't, like, even remember my birthday. So, screw that. I need an alternative.


At 6:38 pm, Blogger j00|{z said...

Dooku went to the dark side and didn't get you a lousy teeshirt? dude, what is with dat? dude...

Why not plant a garden?

At 10:57 pm, Blogger Qui-Gon Jinn said...

Oh wow...
I like plants.
I think I may just do that.
What should I plant, besides the obvious?
Have a brownie.

At 8:55 pm, Blogger j00|{z said...

plant... brownies?

At 2:07 am, Blogger Qui-Gon Jinn said...

Well, I could like grow cocoa, man. And that is a delicious part of my brownies.
Actually, I've adopted a rubber plant. His name is Wayne. He died because of a Sith too. It seems that Darth Sidious didn't have time to water his plants.
Have a brownie, but I get to lick the bowl.

At 3:35 pm, Blogger JawaJuice said...

You should come by Tatooine. We got secret "hot house" gardens all over the place. Not to mention the best collection of Hookas!

At 9:27 pm, Blogger flu said...

Fusing the Spores could give you form, Master QGJ.

Just be careful which Spores you choose, some are deadly.

Oh, wait, that doesn't matter to you, does it?


Post a Comment

<< Home