25 June, 2005

Consider the Spores Fused

Okay, let me lay this on you. For over 10 years, I've been without a body. That sucks. I mean, like, I've got a form out here on the Ethereal Plane, sure, but nothing that I can come see my old mates with. I can talk to them, but that isn't good to do to a 900 year old Master. He gets grouchy. And other Jedi aren't fans too. Mace said that the fact that I can see him but he can't see me is violating his personal rights and that he may see legal advice if said actions did not cease and desist. So yeah, I've not visited him since, let's see, about 9.99 years ago. Narc. I've tried to talk to Ben more than once. *sigh* I don't know what to do about him. Anakin, for the love of Jimi, I can't understand a thing coming out of his mouth! What are 'spinner rims' anyway?
So, as recommended by a good buddy called Fluke, I turned to the Spores. He said to 'fuse' them. This would lead me to a body. And after a few brownies, that is what I did.
First, I visited the Spores masters on the planet Nintendooine. There was a multitude of great masters there. All classics. Not a single Padawan hasn't heard of the great Master Maarioh. After much pasta and meditating, I channeled and 'fused the spores.'

This is what I came up with. That's a problem. What master would take me seriously in those overalls (other than Kenobi; he's got a pair just like them)? Staying like that would mean I would keep that wicked double jump and allow me all the mushrooms I want, but it was not the right form for me, man. They did have some stellar 'shrooms, though, so we traded shrooms for brownies. I went away happy, but form less.
I was directed by the Spores to travel elsewhere. I was led to a dark planet. It was obvious that the Sith controlled much of it. It was called Disney World. Lies covered every sign there. "Happiest Place in the Galaxy." Only the wisest Jedi know the happiest place in the galaxy, and it sure ain't there. I mean, like, they made me leave my brownies behind, and charged me 47.95 for parking. I don't have a car. Parking for the dead should be free. Breadheads. So, wow. I went to this secluded area there, past the Pits of Plush, and Chip'n'Dale's Happy Fun Live Organ harvest ride. I met with the greatest master in that whole sector, Ker-Met de Fro-Guh. He told me of the plight of his people, the Muupits. Once, his people flourished in the land of frankOZ. The Muupets were strong with the ratings. Then a group broke away and called themselves Seesami-Striit. For a while, the two groups lived at peace, until the greatest leader of their people, Jimm-Bi Henson, died. The dark Lord, Darth Elmo took over. It was a dark time for his people, and the Disney Empire enslaved the Muupits. Now they are forced to make bad movies with washed up actors. He helped me channel who he called a 'great master.'
Great master my eye! He smelled bad enough that it made me gag, and I'm dead! The smell reminded me of that time that Obi-Wan lost that jar of mayonnaise that he tried to soak pork rinds in. It was open in the bottom of his closet, and when we found it two weeks later, it proved the theory of spontaneous generation. It was sentient and called Jose. Nice guy, but Jose stunk. So, like, again, I ain't got no body.
Finally, I came home. I was a little let down. I mean, you know, I am a Jedi Master and all I can form is a plumber and a talking trash heap. I had a few brownies. Got all serious. I thought about all my friends. I mean, like, I've seen all of them recently, but it's been 10 years since they've seen me. I remembered the best times of my life, and more than one of the people I visit were there with me in those times. Even though he is a screw-up, I am proud of Ben. Even though he is old and crotchety, Yoda is a good friend. Even though he is a wimpy little wannabe, Anakin, uh, he could whine better than anyone. Mace, he... Um, do I have to answer this one? Can't I mark (e) None of the above? Aayla, she's hot. Like Joni Mitchell hot. JarJar has big ears. And Fluke, JawaJuice, and WookieHobbit, they've only seen those polaroids of me that one time that I was taking a photo introspective of my life because I was really really full of brownies.
After all of that, I found my form.

I went to JawaJuice's party prouder than I've ever been in my afterlife.
Thanks guys!

6 Comments:

At 3:12 pm, Blogger JawaJuice said...

eh...does that mean you'll be wanting your old pad back any time soon?
(...and I just put down a fresh layer of sand in the bedroom...)

 
At 5:46 pm, Blogger Aayla Secura said...

Joni Mitchell? You're too kind.

 
At 11:57 pm, Blogger Padmé said...

Like, sounds like you had such a rough time! I've been to Disney World on a Government mission and I felt so totally bummed afterwards!
Glad you found your form tho! xxx

 
At 1:48 am, Blogger j00|{z said...

Congratulations on your form, you look hot.

 
At 1:37 pm, Blogger flu said...

Sorry the Spores weren't that big of a help. Did give you a killer 'stach, tho.

 
At 3:44 pm, Blogger Qui-Gon Jinn said...

Fluke,
Without your Spores, I'd never have found a form at all! I am in your debt, man. I hope you take plastic, as my cheques are in my other robe on the other side.
The fusing taught me much about the living Spores and allowed me to try some really wicked mushrooms.
I think we need to have a pasta dinner.
QGJ

 

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