01 August, 2005

Guest Post: Goldie's Weekly Scoop

Greetings my news hungry compatriots,
It is I, C3P0, the Goldenrod reporter for C! (Cybervision Holotainment) bringing you the weekly scoop you crave!
Our first story comes from none other than my commisioner, Qui-Gon Jinn. Not from him, as such. More so from the assorted photographs C! acquired after he left his door unlocked while away on Tatooine.
It seems that Master Jinn has several albums filled with snapshots of his second Padawan, Master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Most were touching pics of the young Master training, several were from his stint in Junior Padawan Scouts, one of which was the young master holding a "Most Likely to Survive" award, and others of his first speeder.
However, there was another album, entitled 'Ben, Post Q.' These were darker and far grittier than the other books. Many were of the Master in a drunken haze. C! came across one that we shared with Master Obi-Wan's current love interest, the sapphire skinned Jedi temptress, Aayla Secura.
This photograph is of Master Kenobi, calling himself Obi-Wild, during his dark days with his band the Festering Womp Rats.
Ms. Secura had this to say;
Aayla: oh... huhuhuh... He's like... You can see the sadness in his eyes. It's there...
Threepio: You don't seem to be staring at his eyes.
Aayla: He has eyes! Lucious, sweat-soaked eyes... Covered in skin-tight leather... Can I have this picture? Please?
Threepio: It does not belong to C! (Cybertainment Holovision) so I would have to say that you certainly may. *hands over the picture* Ms. Secura, we at C! (Cybertainment Holovision) have another picture to show you.
Aayla: Oooh! *claps her hands gleefully*
Threepio: *presents the second picture* There you go, Mistress Secura.
Aayla: *goes wide eyed* ...but... He was a band geek! Noooo! And... Just look at his hair! He looks like the lead singer of Madness!
That is correct. The great Master Obi-Wan Kenobi, General of the Republic, Hero of the Jedi, knows what happened that one summer at band camp. Reports of his involvement in the band Dex's Midnight Runners are unconfirmed at this time.
Perhaps Master Kenobi can enlighten us about his extracurricular activities in a later issue.
C! (Cybertainment Holovision) has recently had an anonymous contributor, from Tusken Camp 612, sunny Tatooine, mail us a fantastic photo of everyone's favourite Creator and Non-Jedi-Master, Anakin Skywalker.
Here we see the young star happily modeling the newest fall fashions, as picked out by his lovely team-mate and fashion consultant, Padme Amidala. He has been chosen as the new poster-boy for Alderaan Eagle stores. The shirt is a one-of-a-kind, made by Blobby Huttfinger. Poofy little flowers will be all the rage for the Back to Temple season. Every Padawan will want their tunic covered in rainbow paisleys!
Well, faithful scoop-seekers, this has been C3P0 for C! (Cybertainment Holovision). Until next time, we hope your news is worthy of check-out line tabloids and filled with degrading photo-ops!
Cybertainment Holovision (C) IXMCL Cybertainment Holovision is owned in whole by Sith Lord Enterprises, an offshoot of Microsoft Computer Monopolies. "Bringing balance to the galaxy, by replacing your freedom with mind-numbing servitude."


At 11:50 pm, Blogger Aayla Secura said...


-shifty glance-

-burns picture of Obi-Wan playing french horn-

There...no more band geekiness.

At 1:03 am, Blogger Anakin Skywalker said...

Every time Obs gets all maudlin about Qui, I gotta hear about that one time at band camp. Shuh, it's gettin a little creepy.

And 3P0 - that pic of me... yeah, not supposed to be public. That was after the case of beer from the first challenge, an I think fly-girl Padme dressed me in that while I was sleepin or somethin. I'm so not a flowers guy.

At 3:51 am, Blogger JawaJuice said...

hmmm...You seem to have a lot of pictures not meant for the public...

At 4:35 am, Blogger revealen said...

i am a very big fan of star wars!!!! i love darth vader.

visit my blog sometime...thought it's not entirely dedicated to star wars, hehe.

At 5:36 am, Blogger jedisiri said...

emmm...that is close to exhibitionism!

At 6:06 am, Blogger Qui-Gon Jinn said...

Those pictures are in a different album entirely. A reinforced carbonadium casing, fire and rip proof, guarded by a dwarf rabbit called Daemon, hidden in the depths of a tear in time and space album. It's really groovy.
Oh, I've said, like, too much. I have this feeling like a certain blue-skinned quasi-niece of mine will be over soon for a pout party until she gets a glance. Sorry Benji...

At 7:13 am, Blogger jedisiri said...

so you admit it!i KNOW there is something going on between you two...

At 1:48 pm, Blogger flu said...

To me, in that band pic, Ben looks to be sporting more of a Kajagoogoo-do, or maybe even a early Wham! style than a Madness one, IMHO

uh... or thats what I'm told...

At 4:00 pm, Blogger Threepio said...

Oh, Mistress Aayla,
You seem to have charred your photo. Do not worry. The t-shirts will arrive soon.
We at C! (Cybervision Holotainment) have taken the liberty of creating hip new shirts for the back to Temple season. The picture of young Master Kenobi in all his fantastic band-geekiness and the photo of the Creator, Anakin, modelling as the Alderaan Eagle spokes-Jedi, have lovingly been transposed on high quality 100% Cotton shirts, made in the finest sweatshops of Kessel. Only 12.95RCD!

At 6:40 pm, Blogger JawaJuice said...

Hey, candlestick with arms!
Are you trying to muscle in on my secret black market t-shirt ring?
cos...if you are, well...I don't have a droid repo job just for the smell of fresh oil and circuts in the morning. Hate to see you accidentally...you know...get mixed up in that. May be years before they find all your pieces again.
...just saying.

At 9:13 pm, Blogger Leia said...

Are there any non-embarassing pics of Ben and Anakin?

At 4:13 am, Blogger jedisiri said...

sadly leia,there is none.

At 11:30 pm, Blogger Aayla Secura said...

T-Shirts...with the french horn picture on them?


Couldn't you just do the Festering Womp Rats picture? Please? Pretty please?

Ohh...that leather...-druel-

At 7:30 am, Blogger Oola said...

*sobbing* WAHHHHH..*whimpers* qui gon *snif snif* oola blog *whimper whine* ani *sniffle* obi *cries* pics *burst out in tears*

At 5:48 pm, Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

In that first picture, he certainly looks like he has a lust for life


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