03 November, 2005

Can Lost Souls Ask For Directions?

There was a ghost in my flat.
Yes, yes, I know. I'm, like, a ghost, yes. But, like, wasn't me, man.
It was Jo Jo the Monkey Boy. And it seemed that, not only has he, like, bit the big one, but he's also learned a new song.
I had brought JJ up to my meditation room to, like, check it out. See, I've seen ghosts before, man. But this was different. This wasn't Darth Maul regaling me of his work experiences. Or Yarael Poof and his bongos. This was a Monkey Boy. Jo Jo the Monkey Boy to be exact.
JJ looked at me and I looked at JJ and, like, we both shrugged.
We asked Jo Jo why he was here.
"Hoo hoo ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!" He wiped a tear from his ethereal eye. "It's very sad, bwauth. You see, I'm dead." Again, like, he gave that kind-of maniacal but kind-of really just annoying laugh.
"That's not, like, sad. It's not all bad being dead." Like, I should know, you know?
"No. No no no no no no no. See, I'm not supposed to be here, bwauth. I'm supposed to be somewhere else."
"Ya' think?" JJ sucked on his cigar. I've, like, tried to get him to quit smoking, but it really is, like, vital for his stereotypical character.
"Ya' got any bananas?" Then came the most annoying song in the history of songs, and I really mean this. There has never been a song more evil, more vile, man. "Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring, BANANA PHONE!"
JJ had, like, obviously never heard it before. "What?"
"Jo Jo! Jo Jo! Noooo!" But it was, like, too late. It had taken me six years to purge that little ditty from my mind with meditation and spicy brownie residue clogging the thought processes.
"Hoo hoo ha ha! Isn't that the best song ever? I learned it while waiting in the queue at the DMV."
JJ looked confused. "I didn't know you had your drivers license."
"Nope. No no. It's the Dead Monkey Vortex. It's where we Monkey Boy Sidekicks go when get get disintegrated. Hoo hoo ha ha!"
This had to have been going somewhere. So I asked, "So, like, is this going somewhere?"
"I need your ghostly expertise," Jo Jo said. "You have seen the Shaman of the Whills, right? Ha ha?"
Look, I never told anybody about that. Ever. It's how I got here. Like, here with JJ and Yoda and Jon and everybody. It was really heavy, man. "Yeah. How do you, like, know about that?"
"Look, Mr. Qui-Ghosty, when I died I went through the Study At Home Correspondence course on Mastering the After-Life. And flower arranging, which is very useful in day-to-day situations. Creating decorative centre-pieces that motivate the hero in your life to save the galaxy. I used a lot of bananas. Hoo ha!"
"Jo Jo, this is about the Shaman, not about bananas." I wanted him to get to the point. "So, like, get to the point."
"Weeeeeell, see, you're famous in the Ether, old Jinny Jinn Jinn. You are the first person to even see the Shaman. But it is said in the books of something that sounded really old and important but I forgot, that you will go on to find us dead folks real forms and stuff like that."
I thought about that for a moment. A real form. Not my fusing the Spores or using the Fur, but something that everyone could see.
JJ was less than patient. "But that doesn't tell us why you are here, Jo Jo." He stubbed out his dwindling cigar into one of those little pouches on his utility sash.
"Oh! It's very tragic!" Jo Jo nodded his head. "Very tragic indeed, bwauth. I'm a lost soul."
I suddenly felt very sympathetic toward Jo Jo, even though Banana Phone was bouncing around in, like, my dome, man. Even JJ looked on the Monkey Boy ghost with those big Jawa eyes of sympathy. "Wow," I said, "A lost soul. That's a major bring down, man."
"See, I'm supposed to go to Second Banana Heaven, but I lost my map."
JJ and I smacked our foreheads at the same time.


At 1:21 pm, Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...


I mean. I almost feel sad for the poor bugger.

Almost, this is the same Jo Jo the Monkeyboy who filled the cockpit of my ship with chocolate covered bananas

At 1:27 pm, Blogger jedisiri said...

poor soul...

At 5:24 pm, Blogger F.O.O.F. said...

You two know the secret handshake!!
Okay! You're in the club.
So...eh...where can we find Fluke now?

At 7:44 pm, Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Oh yeah, I know the banana phone!

At 12:59 pm, Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Dangit! Now I've got that song in my head! Argh!

At 3:38 pm, Blogger Qui-Gon Jinn said...

I, like, told you, man.
Most annoying song ever.


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